You. Still. Always.

I texted you awhile back, told you about the program I was thinking about. You never replied. It's been almost two weeks (I think. I will NOT check my phone).

Sometimes things seem good with him, but other times, they're just... not the same. How can I expect everything to be the way it was with you? Half the time I was miserable, wishing things were so different. But now they are and I just can't stop thinking about us. Together. How weird it was at Christmas to be part of someone else's Christmas and not yours. How I didn't celebrate Hannukah or your sister's birthday. What will I do on the 4th of July?

I don't think I can handle that. With everything else in my life being such a mess, how can I deal with this constant feeling that I did something wrong? Is this something I will regret the rest of my life?

I Texted You

I texted you last week, when I said I wouldn't. I couldn't help it. I felt miserable knowing I didn't get into my program and I just wanted you to talk to me again. You replied for a little bit, then stopped. I don't know what I said wrong, but I'm beginning to think it isn't about whether I did something wrong or not. I think you just need to grow up.

I'm tired of wondering what you're up to or what you're telling people about me. I just want to be done with this. I don't want to see you around or avoid places because you might show up there. I want to have a real life where you don't exist.

At all.